These dislikes are not yours. They are mine. If you can relate, that’s great. And if you can’t relate, then I’m truly sorry.
1) The event invitations from halfway across the globe. Ok. It’s annoying enough when you have to decline 7 events a day from parties around your area. But that event invitation from Birmingham or Croatia that shows up on my news feed every Wednesday may drive me insane.
2) The status update of enlightenment. These are the Facebook version of an Oscar-bait movie that screams, “Look at me, I wrote something deep, don’t just stand there “like” it or leave a comment”. Well I might but I am very sure if I googled the punchline of your quotes, I’ll find who deserves the real credit so thanks, but no thanks.
3) The tagged stuff without me in them. Ok. I understand the need to tag me in a picture or video to get a wide reach on Facebook. And because of this I ordinarily don’t mind being tagged randomly, but since you tagged 50 other people and their smart asses want to comment on your photo or video all day, my notifications will go nuts. And nobody wants that.
4) Friend thieves. You have a friend on FB (sometimes in another country). They’re not as social as you are. They don’t get around. But everyday, your mutual friends are growing considerably because they sit on your page and just add your connections with a shopping cart. Once or twice is ok. But to see mutual friends grow from 2 to 60 in one month can be very disturbing.
5) The monotonous photo session. Humans are vain by nature, but some more than others. I believe that one’s profile picture album is MEANT for basic vanity while photo albums are meant for friends, family and memorable events. Not these folks. They have several full 80 picture albums of themselves in the same clothing taking pictures with their own left hand in the same damn room, snapping the same “better side” of their face. The only variation in some of these albums is that sometimes the shots move from face to shoes. Mirror shots are by far more forgivable.
6) The TMI status update. The I’m-fighting-with-my-best friend status update. The I-broke-up-with-his-broke-ass status update. The I’m-so-over-you status update. The Baby-How-could-you-do-that-to-me? status update. The last-night-was-perfect status update. The I-should-be-texting-this-but-instead-I’ll-publish-it status update. I am of the mind that if a status update does not benefit people around you in some way, don’t post it. And keep your laundry indoors.
7) The mysterious friend request. They add you. Name unfamiliar. No real photo of themselves. Just wallpapers of cars, models or athletes. Their friend list is 30 names strong. They expect you to accept the friend request when it’s obviously a Black Ops profile compiling a hit list.
8) The Exhibitionist female. Almost all her pictures are suggestive. Constant snap shots of her own ass and tits. Like she’s auditioning for porn. Only this time for comments instead of a paycheck. Nothing wrong with being in porn. Hold on, I will even help you make calls. Just make sure you get it done right. You’re either decent or indecent. I am not judging. I like both kind of women. It’s the in-betweens I hate.
9) The thread inbox message. You get a message from someone who decided to also send to 20 others. And you MUST sit through everyone’s replies for weeks. You almost want to shoot the sender in the end.
10) Don’t poke. Fucking say Hello.
11) Don’t give me a beer on Facebook. Text me, let’s go to a real bar and have a real drink.
12) Application requests. Join my Vampire crew??? Fuck off.
13) Quizzes. What Spice Girl am I??? Fuck off.
14) People on Facebook older than 45. Like seriously parents, you couldn’t let us have this ONE thing to ourselves. What are you even doing here? Really? Farmville? You can’t afford to start a REAL farm?
15) Facebook urging me to say hello to people I don’t feel like talking to. Sounds like something my grandma would do which is also as annoying as the People you may know suggestions.
16) The ever-changing relationship status. Please make up your mind before setting your “love status” to anything. We don’t need to be asking you “What happened?” every weekend.
17) “Married” to best female friend relationship status. A bit high-schooly innit?
18) Constant deactivators. Stay on or get off forever. If you have to tell us via status update that you’ve been off Facebook for weeks, then we clearly didn’t miss you. Suck it.
19) The complainers of Facebook upgrades. Millions are spent to better a site you never paid for. Shut the fuck up and learn the improvements.
17) Mister X “also commented” on a picture you commented on 2 years ago. Do I absolutely have to know this? It’s ok if it’s the same day or week. But damn, can a brother get a divorce from these issues?
18) Vague status updates. “OMG, I can’t believe me and that person did that thing we were not supposed to do this year”. We won’t ask you what you’re talking about. Spit it out or make like Valium and swallow it.
19) The Holy Users. “I am in church right now giving praise to God”. Um… no you’re not. You’re on Facebook via mobile web.
20) People who demand a “dislike” button. If you don’t like something about someone, tell them in their inbox or write a fricking blog. Man up. Stop waiting for Facebook.
21) People who create fake FB accounts to comment on pictures and write on the wall of their primary profile in order to make themselves “appear” loved. Wow.