NIKKI SLODETTE


NIKKI SLODETTE

An almost true story by Jay L. Levanne

WITH A SLENDER & LONG FIGURE, SHE WORE A SHORT SKIRT EXPOSING HER PALE WHITE SKIN; SHE STEPPED OUT OF A GOLD-COLORED DROP TOP. IT WOULD BE THE FIRST DAY I LAID EYES ON NIKKI. A PERFECT 10 SHE WAS, ALMOST ANOREXIC, NOT UNLIKE THE HILTONS’ AND LOHANS’ OF TODAY. SHE FASCINATED ME. CLEARLY. I’D NEVER AGAIN FORGET HER SMELL NOR THE GRIN ON HER FACE BUT IT WAS MUCH LATER I EVENTUALLY MET HER IN PERSON.

OVER SUBSEQUENT YEARS, I’D SEE HER FROM A DISTANCE, MORE FREQUENTLY. ON BILLBOARDS, IN MAGAZINES, HANGING WITH MOVIES STARS, MODELS AND FAMOUS SINGERS, YOU KNOW, THE A-LISTER TYPES. A BIT OF A CELEBRITY THIS ONE. STILL I LACKED THE COURAGE TO APPROACH HER.

IT SEEMED LIKE SHE WAS EVERYWHERE I WENT, MALLS AND BARS, AT CLUBS DANCING ON TOP TABLES WITH HER GIRLFRIENDS. THEY ROLLED IN PACKS. THEY’D BE IN THE MOST FAMILIAR PLACES HANGING WITH THE OLDER BOYS KISSING EACH OTHER THROUGH ENDLESS BINGES OF ALCOHOL. STILL WE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER, SMILED AND SAID NOTHING. IT WOULD SEEM SHE WAS ALMOST CALLING OUT TO ME. I STILL COULDN’T MUSTER THE COURAGE TO APPROACH HER. I WAS UNSURE. I WASN’T OLD ENOUGH, I WASN’T RICH ENOUGH, WHATEVER MY EXCUSE WAS, I JUST NEVER EVEN SAID HELLO.

WHAT I DO KNOW IS, IT BECAME HARDER FOR ME TO GO A SINGLE PUBLIC PLACE WITHOUT SEEING HER – I ASSURE YOU I WASN’T STALKING. AT LEAST I DON’T THINK I WAS.

I PONDERED INSTEAD WONDERING, WAS IT FATE? COINCIDENCE? WERE WE JOINED BY ASTROLOGY? I AM TAURUS AND SHE WAS CAPRICORN. NO.WAIT. IT WAS CANCER. I REMEMBER NOW.

I TOLD A FEW FRIENDS ABOUT HER. IT TURNED OUT THEY ALL SEEMED TO KNOW ABOUT HER ALREADY. HOT STUFF. IT WASN’T HARD FOR YOUNG BOYS AT THAT AGE TO CATCH ON TO NEWS INVOLVING THE-GIRL-AROUND-TOWN. BUT AS SOON AS I EXPRESSED LITTLE EMOTION, THEY LAUGHED AND BEGGED ME NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT. SHE WASN’T THE KIND OF GIRL FOR ME. SHE WAS BAD. SHE WAS A HEARTBREAKER AND THAT EVEN BEING IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HER OFTEN WAS A BAD IDEA. DID I LISTEN? I WAS 16. YOUNG, DUMB AND FULL OF…YOU KNOW THE STORY.

AND THEN ONE DAY I FINALLY MET NIKKI. A FAMILY FRIEND INVITED ME OUT FOR DRINKS SO I MET UP WITH HIM AT A BAR. I HAD JUST TURNED 17. I GOT THERE AND GUESS WHO HE’S SITTING WITH BY THE BAR WHEN I GET THERE. MISS NIKKI SLODETTE. STILL IN SHOCK, I TOOK A DEEP BREATH. HERE…WE…. GO

I SAT DOWN NEXT TO THEM AND SPOKE NERVOUSLY AS WE WERE INTRODUCED. I TOOK HER HAND IN MINE, HER SKIN FELT SMOOTH. LIKE PAPER EVEN. HER SMELL WAS INTOXICATING. THIS WAS ME, HOLDING FUCKING NIKKI SLODETTE. I KNEW RIGHT THEN THAT ANY WARNING I GOT BEFORE NOW WAS TURNING TO ASH…. IN THE END IT WOULD ALL TURN TO ASH.

WE GOT ACQUAINTED. SHE WAS BORN SOMEWHERE IN THE UNITED STATES TO A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR FAMILY: AN AMERICAN MOTHER AND A BRITISH FATHER AND THEY CARED FOR HER GREATLY EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS OFTEN A DANGER TO HERSELF AND OTHERS. YEAH, THE RICH ALSO CRY AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT.

SHE HUNG OUT QUITE FREQUENTLY AT BARS AND CLUBS, HATED STAYING INDOORS OR BEING AT HOME AND DIDN’T REALLY HANDLE WELL WITH KIDS. OBVIOUSLY NOT WIFE MATERIAL. SHE NEVER CLEANED AND DIDN’T COOK BUT ALWAYS WENT OUT TO CAFÉS AND RESTAURANTS WITH DATES AND FRIENDS. IN MORE RECENT YEARS SHE WOULD GO ON DATES WITH GIRLS AS WELL. BIT OF A FREAK I THOUGHT BUT HOW COULD I RESIST. WHO WAS I FOOLING? HER FLEXIBILITY ONLY SUCCEEDED IN INTRIGUING ME FURTHER.

IT WAS GETTING LATE, I HAD TO GO HOME, THEY HAD TO GO PICK UP HER COUSIN, MARIE WHO WAS STILL AT THE BEACH WITH SOME EX BOYFRIEND I UNDERSTOOD SO THEY COULD ALL HEAD HOME FOR THE ‘AFTER-PARTY’. WELL MAYBE ANOTHER TIME. MY DAD’D KICK MY ASS IF I CAME HOME TOO LATE. WE AGREED TO SEE AGAIN SOON. WITHOUT THE EXTRA COMPANY. THIS WAS LOOKING GOOD.

A WEEK PASSED AND WE HOOKED UP AS PLANNED. WE DID DRINKS. GIN… BRANDY… FUCKING TEQUILAS. AND THEN WE KISSED. YES. MY HEAD SPUN LIKE A VINYL RECORD. WE WERE AT IT BY THE BAR LIKE WE’D WAITED OUR WHOLE LIVES TO DO IT AND THEN WE WENT BACK TO MY PLACE. I KISSED HER EVERYWHERE SHE WANTED AND SHE EXPLODED WITH VOLCANIC ERUPTIONS. IT LASTED 7 MINS. HEY!… I SAID I WAS 17. BUT THEN WE ARE AT IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

I WOKE UP THE NEXT MORNING AND SHE WAS GONE. FIRST THING ON MY MIND – NIKKI. I HAD TO SEE HER AGAIN. I SHOWERED, DROVE OUT TO THE MALL WHERE I KNEW SHE’D BE WITH HER FRIENDS. FOUND HER AND WE WERE AT IT AGAIN. DÉJÀ VU.

1 WEEK TURNED TO 3. 4 WEEKS TURNED TO 8. I SPENT TIME, CASH, HUNG OUT WITH HER COUSIN MARIE, MY FRIENDS, HER FRIENDS, WHATEVER IT TOOK TO BE BESIDE NIKKI. MY FRIENDS STILL WARNED ME, BUT THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE MISSING. MY NIKKI WAS…WHAT CAN I SAY… MY NIKKI. A YEAR WENT BY.

I DIDN’T DO MUCH WITHOUT HER. I WAS BEGINNING TO LOSE MY MIND. BUT SHE DIDN’T FEEL THE SAME WAY. SHE WAS STILL WITH OTHER GUYS. FLIRTING WITH GIRLS IN THE CLUBS. EVEN SOME BLOODY TEENAGERS WOULD HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK MY PERMISSION TO BE WITH HER.
MY REAL GIRLFRIEND, WHO I FAILED TO MENTION EARLIER, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS BEGGED ME, TIME AND TIME AGAIN, TO LEAVE HER ALONE. THEY COULD SEE WHAT SHE WAS DOING TO ME. I WAS STARTING TO SEE IT TOO.
I WOULD OFTEN START A FIGHT WITH NIKKI, MAKING EXCUSES TO END IT ALL AND SHE’D WHISPER TO ME IN THE CALMEST CONFIDENCE, “I AM NEVER LETTING YOU GO”. IT WOULD ALWAYS END WITH HUNGRY KISSES AND THE REST OF IT. YOU KNOW, YOUR REGULAR POISONOUS RELATIONSHIP. I WAS WEAK. “MI AMOUR FOU”.

I STOPPED EATING. I STARTED TO LOOK PALE. I WAS LOSING WEIGHT. BREAKFAST AND LUNCH LOST MEANING. NOTHING ELSE MATTERED. I WANTED ONLY TO BE WITH HER. AND SHE JUST WANTED TO BE WITH EVERYONE IN EVERYPLACE ELSE. EVERY NIGHT, OUT WITH DIFFERENT GUYS, DIFFERENT GIRLS DOING THE THINGS WE DO. INSATIABLE NIKKI. GOD HELP ME. GOD HELP HER. GOD HELP US ALL. THEY DON’T KNOW THE HELL THAT NIKKI WOULD BESTOW UPON THEM WITHOUT NECESSARILY BEING SCORNED.

NOW I SIT, KNOWING I HAVE TO FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS MESS, SHAKING WITH MY ADDICTION, DEPENDENT ON THIS… NIKKI WHO’D BEEN EVERYWHERE WITH EVERYONE, NOT JUST THE HOLLYWOOD TYPES OR POLITICIANS ANYMORE. EVEN PEASANTS NOW HAD ACCESS TO HER. IT WAS HUMILIATING.

I SIT HERE KNOWING THAT AFTER WRITING THIS DIARY, THE FIRST THING I WILL DO, IS RUSH OUT IN SEARCH OF NIKKI SLODETTE…. “NICOTINE SLOW-DEATH” MY BEST FRIEND SAYS TO ME. HATER. IT’S NOT SO BAD. HE SHOULD SEE THOSE WHO WENT CRAZY OVER HER COUSIN ‘MARIE JUANES’. GOD HELP THEM. ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO GOT MIXED UP SOMEHOW, WITH HER ‘UNCLE CHARLIE’. NOW THEY … HAVE IT ROUGH. FOR THOSE THAT DON’T KNOW UNCLE CHARLIE, THE GOVERNMENT KNOW HIM BY ANOTHER NAME. COCAINE.

THIS IS THE STORY OF THE BRITISH-AMERICAN BEAUTY THAT I MET WHEN I WAS 16. SEVERAL YEARS LATER, I’M STILL WAITING FOR A TIME I CAN ESCAPE HER FOR A FULL DAY. NO CLOUDS. NO CANCER. MY ZODIAC SIGN MUST REMAIN TAURUS.

I KNOW THAT I CAN DO THIS. ON MY OWN. QUITTING CIGARETTES IS THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD. I KNOW THIS COS I HAVE DONE IT A THOUSAND TIMES…. AND I AM NOW PUTTING OUT THE ONE I’VE BEEN SMOKING WHILE WRITING THIS. IT IS “MY LAST ONE”.

AT LEAST FOR TONIGHT… GOD HELP ME.

JLL.

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5 Responses to NIKKI SLODETTE

  1. badass says:

    LOL!
    wtf?
    you…!!

    ”I KNEW RIGHT THEN THAT ANY WARNING I GOT BEFORE NOW WAS TURNING TO ASH…. IN THE END IT WOULD ALL TURN TO ASH”
    haha…smartest of the lot
    cant help but read it twice

    people break up with mary jane, nikki shouldn’t be much of a problem
    God help you bro..!
    hope this pic also does lol

  2. Kemi says:

    This is the best thing I’ve read in ages. I absolutely love. You should consider writing as a career, that is if you haven’t done already.

  3. tee says:

    amazing article! love it.

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