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Over the years, I’ve been called many nicknames by ex-girlfriends, from “Seabiscuit” to the more commonly known “Superman”. I have achieved this not because of an oversized member nor due to excessive stamina in bed but because primarily I am fairly intelligent, attentive and I read more science books than Cosmopolitan magazines. Magazines tell you what women want (which even they hardly understand) but a simple biology textbook might tell you what a woman needs. The rest is up to you as soon as you get over your ego and surgically remove your heads out of your asses. That macho bullshit is as irrelevant to a woman as a bicycle to a fish. Over the years my friends have always observed that while they have had girls love them deeply all their lives, my extremely hot girlfriends always seem to turn actively “psycho” over me. Follow these tips and maybe you too will need to file restraining order against your significant other in the future.
1. Rule number one. There is no such thing as a man who is a perfect lover. With every different woman, the points you scored with the last are invalid.No template works for all women. You will begin at stage one to learn a brand new woman. You will not assume that an ex loved certain things and that somehow it works for every single woman. With every new woman, consider yourself a virgin. And even though your past experience may not be entirely useless, assuming the virgin state of mind is the safest and best approach to understanding your lovers body. Let go of your pride and for your sake hope that you didn’t brag about sex when you first met.
2. Always smell good even if it means 4 baths a day. Smell is everything to a woman. You may also want to spray a light layer of a great smelling cologne. Bad smells very directly turn a woman off and great scents are a strong turn on for women. You should know a woman can decide to have sex with a man based on his smell alone. Get rid of mouth odors and body odors. Brush teeth and chew mint gums if you need to. If you sweat a lot, you should have more showers. A good cologne is magic. I once wore a cologne that made 3 different women who didn’t know each other take my number in front of themselves in a span of 5 mins and they were oblivious of this. I understood why. They all hugged me. This effect is paramount during sex itself. Try Leau D’Issey by Issey Miyake or John Varvatos Vintage.
3. Perhaps the most important and underrated step (not to mention least popular) is establishing an open dialogue about sex before,during, after and in between sexual events. This may be a drag but it shouldn’t have to last beyond the first few weeks in a relationship. This is the step that will never come to play in one-night-stands and flings and usually the reason you WILL never please a woman in an unserious relationship unless somehow you have become very close and free with each other. This dialogue is perhaps the most critical step. This where you use your wits to convince a woman to HELP you determine what it is she likes and does not like. This is where you give her FULL authority to tell you when it is happening for her and when it isn’t. A lot of men cannot handle the idea that they didn’t please their lover and this has forced women into faking pleasure and orgasms. You need to let her know that the only way to actually maximize her pleasure is to let you know when it is great and when it sucks for her. A man should not carry on thinking that he is a god in bed while she remains unsatisfied for years. This is how I’ve got my women in the first month from saying, “I didn’t come”, “I didn’t come”and “I didn’t come” to “Wow, I came”, “Jesus, I came”, “Holy shit… I came again” to “OMG, what are you doing to me?” until one day she bursts out in tears mid-sex saying “I don’t want to lose you”. This process may take weeks at first but when you understand it like I do, give it 10 days. These days I can’t remember the last time I did NOT give a woman an orgasm. Probably 1999. I take women who are used to 2 orgasms a year and bless them with 2 orgasms a day minimum. Hence, breaking up with me has proved somewhat difficult for a lot of girls in the past.
4. Understanding the penis and the vagina. Another alleged “no brainer” that leaves your woman unhappy. This also answers the eternal question “Does size matter?” and also gives a meaning to my phrase “It’s not the size of the sword that matters, it’s where you cut the beast”. The average size of the male erect genitalia is 5 inches worldwide. Yes, 80% of you are lying about the 9 inches etc. But here is where I give you the good news. Due to the pornographic culture of humanity, men and women have developed an interest for penises sized 7 inches and over but this in fact is BLATANTLY unnecessary to pleasuring a woman. A woman’s vagina is only so deep and quite frankly anything of that size is likely to touch too deep into a woman and is extremely uncomfortable for her. I maybe a shameless 7 inches on the dot BUT because of what I know, I employ the use of only 3 inches of my manhood. Let me explain. Much like your penis, the female genitalia is sensitive ONLY in the first 2.5 inches from the top, or in her case from the vulva (the opening).
Take a second to observe your penis. The cap is extremely sensitive during oral or vaginal sex but the shaft between the cap and your testicles is dead flesh sexually. You may feel it when touched but it will never make you go “Ahh”. Same for a woman. Beyond the 2.5 inches from the opening down to her womb is just as dead. You can guess what I am trying to say. All a vagina actively needs is a 3 inch penis to give her all the pleasure she desires provided that width is also adequately sized. Man must be less concerned with how deep in her he can go than how far apart he can push the vajajay. And like too long, too wide will also hurt her and make it less pleasurable. So for those of us unnecessarily large, you need to concentrate on not going all the way too often. The extra length of penis is given to us by nature so we can use the restroom without peeing on ourselves. The woman’s vagina is deep so we don’t hurt her womb. Yet here we are today equating size with pleasure. A 12-inch knife hurts just as much as a 5-inch knife. And a 5-inch knife to the throat is deadlier than a 12-inch knife to the palm. Dig? And no, the vagina is not an elastic band. After childbirth the vagina heals itself back to the original state.
5. Achieving orgasms. For a woman to reach orgasm has been referred to as very complex and near impossible. But not if you have read number 2 and are ready to apply number 3. There are 3 main ways to make a woman climax. I have grouped them into 2.
a) The definite method
b) The shot in the dark method.
ai) Definite orgasm can only be achieved through 2 ways. I’d say 3 but I forbid you to use your fingers. You are no longer in high school. The first way (and best way) is through oral sex or cunnilingus. This is the use of your tongue on her clitoris. For best results ignore the rest of the vulva (mostly but not completely) and concentrate on the clitoris. There is also a more in-depth and definitive way to dissect the clitoris because as tiny as it is, it is much like your penis also divided into more sensitive and less sensitive portions. I cannot teach you this part. You have to learn it yourself. All I can say is when I am in oral sex mode, I think of the tip of a ball point pen. You will want to find the “ball point” of your woman’s clitoris. Ignore porn flicks, you should go as slow as you can when you find the ball point. Trust me.
aii) The second definitive for her to reach a climax is making her stay on top of you in a riding position. It is also tricky and that’s why it is number 2. A lot of women still do not understand how vital this position is. Ask her to trust you and make her sit on it until she understands it. She may not even get it for weeks. It’s like riding a bicycle. One day she will feel a rush of understanding and it will happen. Now here’s the bad news for oversized men. If you are too long, this bit is almost useless because all you will give her is pain. But if you are more flexibly sized then she will twist and grind on your pelvis until she finds the angle where your penis hits both her clitoris and vagina simultaneously. While she is in this position, grab her ass as best you can. It’s not for you, strangely enough it is for her. This position makes for the most explosive orgasms a woman can achieve. At the end of this article you will find that adequately sized dicks beat really large and really small dicks hands down. Keynote: After sex with a woman lay with her and cuddle for a while, don’t run off like a dick.
b) The shot in the dark method has to be addressed because this is the method most men use. You are worse than a nerd in fifth grade if you think that a woman will achieve an orgasm through vaginal intercourse other than her on top riding position. Missionary style, doggy style and all those other acrobatics will almost NEVER give her a climax. These positions are used during sex and not to end it. Ignore her excessive moaning and screaming. A woman’s mouth doesn’t tell you if she is cumming. Her body does that. It may happen once out of a hundred sexual events or maybe even a thousand. (a shot in the dark indeed). It is no longer a surprise that I am responsible for more women’s FIRST real orgasm than I care to remember. And for your information, a woman is more likely to be still, quiet and grabby when she is undergoing orgasms. It is once again porn movies that make her scream to give you an idea that she is having fun. I can tell a woman is cumming when she starts to make weird and unsexy faces. If she looks hot, sexy, composed and making the right noises, she’s most likely acting the role. And with that attitude I may kick her out of my bed. My sex is the truth. Not lies.
6. Oral sex. Do not be mistaken. This is your woman’s best part of sex (before or after kissing). The pounding is irrelevant. You have the eat the pussy. There are 3 type of men. And there is only one guaranteed to steal your girl from you.
a) The “I don’t eat pussy” man. This man is not serious and will never please a woman. The idiot who thinks sex is about hammering and pounding away only.
b) The “I’ll eat it if she wants but it’s still disgusting” man. This man makes an attempt but rarely gets the job done.
c) And finally the “Girl, there will be problems if you don’t open your legs so I can feast on this pussy” man. This is the man a woman craves because she knows he enjoys it and thus lets herself enjoy every single wet stroke he has to offer rather than feel insecure about it. I am this man. Bro… Don’t leave your girl around me.
I understand your fear for giving head but these are the reasons I pick my women VERY carefully and sort of stay with her for a long time. Do NOT indulge with a woman who you do not trust or has a habit of screwing around. You will also want a woman who ALWAYS smells fresh. There are some women who smell better without bathing for a full day than some who have just had a shower. Pick and choose well. And if for some reason your own fresh woman seems to be developing an odor from nowhere she may have an infection and it is your duty to call it. Do not be afraid to alert her immediately and make sure has a decent brand of feminine wash in her arsenal of toiletries.
7. Foreplay. A lot of you men whip it and ride the “punani” without hesitation. The penis can only be appreciated if a woman anticipates it. Sex without foreplay is very similar to consensual rape if there is such a thing. Foreplay is the act of kissing and fondling. This is the only method that nature has intended for a woman’s juices to flow between her thighs. And if you can be as patient as I am, you must never insert yourself in a woman until she tells you to. Until she does, she is not ready for you. Be it physically or mentally. To facilitate this, focus on her lips, neck, ears (try whispering sweet rubbish once in a while), nipples (gently with fingers and tongue until she demands more pressure), run your finger tips gently on her inner thighs as well as behind the knees and figure out if she has any special zones by paying attention. Again, grab her ass as best you can but more delicately in foreplay phase.
8. Speed and intensity of thrust during sex is everything. A lot of men are deceived into thinking hard and fast are all that matters when in truth, it should graduate from slow and gentle (speed 1) to slow and hard (speed 2). Fast and hard (speed 3) should come much later when the sex has hit auto-pilot. Regulate speeds all over again from speed 1 in between sex. Attempt speed 1 very carefully by going only 3 inches deep. She will love you for it. Try also by doing the “countdown routine” by using speed 1 and counting 9 shallow thrusts and ending count 10 with a deep speed 3 thrust. Pause. Start again, count 8 shallow thrusts and end with a deep 9. Pause. Start again, count 7 shallow thrusts and end with a deep 8. Pause and continue this pattern till you reach 1 shallow and 1 deep, then proceed with the deep thrust repeatedly for 5 mins and then start your countdowns again. Girls generally enjoy rough sex so here is the key-note: Start off delicately as though she were freshly laid eggs and end by roughing that bitch up as though she were last night’s pancakes. Sometimes if you can, be a darling and eat the pussy mid-sex. Your take home assignment is the tricky Speed 4. Fast and gentle.
9. Indulge her fantasies. As you may already know, sex is 80% cerebral and 20% mechanical. So while you’re chewing a woman or hammering away if she is busy thinking about apple pies in grandma’s house then you might as well both be at grandma’s house eating because you’re wasting each other’s time. The mind is the only thing that can allow both sexual stimulation and orgasm. You may not know this but EVERY woman including the preacher’s wife has fantasies. What you need to do is talk about them with her in the least sexual moments of the day over coffee or watching TV. Let her feel comfortable talking to you about it and assure her that nothing is too scary for you. Before long she will open up. But brace yourself because you may be in for a few surprises. You will hear unspeakable things from rape to orgies but you must act calm as she spills her guts and you see her in the different way that you promised wouldn’t happen. Smile and act excited by them. There are 2 types of fantasies.
a) Simple fantasies. These will involve only both of you. Role playing fantasies and other do at home type fantasies. The type that you can arrange on a Friday night without complication save buying a few tools and costumes. These simple fantasies are a must. They will bring out a monster in your woman that you will grow to love and cherish.
b) Complex fantasies. These are the more risque fantasies like threesomes and outdoor expeditions. These are the ones with a deeper power over your woman but perhaps heavier in implication. Now if you both lack the strength to carry out these one for real, I greatly advise making her believe that you are more than willing to do it when she’s ready. The mere thought that you would totally do it for her is just as effective as doing it. Maybe even better. I call it the ‘anticipation effect’. The “Oh my… we might totally do it” effect. The benefit of this is that when she is doing these things in her head during sex (and she will) you too are in that head playing it out with her merely because you promised. And what’s hotter to her than actually sexing with the man doing filthy things with her in her head? Make no mistake, your woman is probably filthier than you. And sex is best with a man who has gracefully accepted this fact.
10. No matter what she says, your woman’s biggest fantasy is almost certainly things involving or revolving around another gorgeous woman. From my personal encounters, 100% of women I’ve been with fantasize about other women having with sex with them alone or with a woman and a man simultaneously. And out of the 100% of women that I have known to be this way, guess how many admitted it in the first month? 5%. Yes. Do not be dismayed by her initial disgust at the idea, there is a way to make a woman discover it. Most of them didn’t even know they wanted it before I told them they did. I had to point out that as much as I desired that fantasy, it would never be up to half of their desire for it. I was never wrong. Once they embrace it, she won’t stop talking about it. You want to know the real truth, I have never actually had a threesome in my life, but the fact that I promised to do it kept these women erupting like volcanoes for the years that I loved them. Yup. I’m a sneaky bastard. And a threesome virgin too. Take home experiment. Politely slip in a porno flick with a woman you are sexually involved with. Observe as she laughs her way through most of the scenes and how quickly she becomes dead quiet when she sees 2 women going at it. If you see heavy breathing after a while, you should remember this article.
That’s enough for now boys. Even though there are 50 other facts you need to learn, I rather enjoy my status as Sex god. And if I give you everything then I will soon become the sex dude. Tsk tsk… can’t have that. 😉